My blogging break was longer than I expected. But here I am. My five week teaching placement is done and my assignments are submitted.
For complicated university logistical reasons, I can’t do my internship until term 2 next year, which is approximately April. I have an intensive subject to do that runs for a week in November. Otherwise, that’s it. That’s all I have to do to finish my degree and graduate.
I enjoyed my teaching placement. It was hard work and it kept me busy, and some days I felt overwhelmed. Most days I felt exhausted. Sometimes I wondered if I had managed to teach my class anything at all.
But I had lots of things filling my head. I had interesting things to think about and constant tasks to do. I couldn’t help but feel productive and purposeful. Working full time was surprisingly good for my mental health.
It wasn’t perfect. I had afternoons where I couldn’t motivate myself to do the pile of work waiting for me. Sometimes I felt very isolated and cut off from my friends. But overall, it was better than empty days and a lack of purpose.
But now I have a long break stretching ahead of me, filled with empty days and a lack of specific purpose.
I’m dreading this long summer. I’ve found some part time work, and I’m going to volunteer with the RSPCA and find some useful things to do. I’ll find some books to read and online courses to do. But it’s not the same – creating entertainment and purpose for yourself, rather than constantly working and being productive.
I know it’s a lucky problem to have – too much time and freedom. But for my anxiety and my ideal well being, I need structure and purpose and limits around my choices. Other people may love this unstructured life, but it is not for me.