What is this blog?
Currently, it’s a mess of thoughts and opinions and reactions to books and to life and where I can safely write and write and write. I can post my thoughts and share it with a friend or two – but never more than that.
What could I do about this blog?
I could keep it half secret as it is, messy and crazy and unfiltered and unknown and mine: my safe place where words come out. But these words never go further than this blog, my writing would remain in shadows, though at least it’s not stuck in my head.
Or I could clean it up and trim it down and share it further. My friends, family, people I go to church with – wider than those I trust, but not much further beyond the reach of those I see in my day to day life.
Both secrecy and sharing have strong appeals. Like all humans, I want to be known, and I think my writing is my best chance of communicating who I am. But like all humans, I also fear being known and not loved. What if I share my writing and people hate it? The ideas or style, either would be crushing. What if they disapprove? What if the world thinks I am showing off or trying to gain attention?
I could go down the road of trying to gain attention with this blog – using SEO, link to other blogs and sites and promote and promote and promote. Weekly content, schedules and followers counts. But that doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest and besides, I’m far too busy.
Sharing it would mean it’s no longer a secret safe space. There would be things I couldn’t post about anymore, I would have to limit my tone and content in a way I’ve never bothered with. I’d have to worry not only about what I want to express but how people might interpret it.
But secrecy no longer feels right either. I want to be writing for an audience beyond myself and three other people. I want to share my ideas and my words.
What would I allow on this new blog? Where would I draw the line? For example, this kind of raw, honest, flow of thought and decision making process writing – would it fit onto this new kind of blog? What wouldn’t? What do I feel I have to hide anyway? My opinions on egalitarian theology or white western Christian culture?
Living as a Christian on social media can feel like living under a spotlight. I have liked that this blog is media without the social – just me and the words.
What do I want for this blog? What do I want for myself and my writing and my life and my words and thoughts and feelings?
I’m tired of living in shadows, but not quite sure I’m ready to step into the light.