Last time I wrote (blogged?) here on Searching For Grace was the 25th of January 2018. That was 1323 days ago. Over three years. A lot has happened in that time, personally and globally.
The obvious thing is that last time I wrote on this blog no one had heard of COVID or any of the safety measures we now take daily. The world wasn’t safer necessarily, but it was easier to feel safe.
Personally, since then, I have gotten married, moved house three times, and experienced other huge upheaval and change in all kinds of personal circumstances. Three years ago, I didn’t know the joy of pregnancy or the heartbreak of miscarriage. I didn’t know the fear that comes with having loved family members overseas and not knowing when I will see them again. I hadn’t experienced the realities of marriage and having your life tied to another person’s life, for better and for worse.
But way back at the start of 2018 I was still a graduate teacher. Now I am more confident in my teaching and myself. I am also a more confident writer. I wrote a book. A book that is still in the process of making its way into the world, so I won’t say more about that yet.
In the intervening 43 months and 15 days, I have worked full time for a few years and chosen to step away from the education career mill. I have experienced gain and loss, and endless health problems. I have met people who listen compassionately and genuinely care, and I have deepened other friendships in the way that only comes when you walk through life and joy and sorrow with someone. I have sought therapy to better understand myself and taken medication to improve my mental and physical health.
So where am I now? Relief teaching when I am well enough. Waiting to have my gallbladder removed, when the public health list gets to my name. Watching my husband thrive in a new job environment where he can do ministry and teach people about Jesus. Writing when I can. Now that all my writing energy isn’t being poured into lesson plans and school reports, or my book, I have time and energy to write for other reasons now.
I wasn’t sure if I should resurrect this blog. In many ways, the person who wrote the posts on here is not the same person I am now. But they also show my growth and change and as I started to grow into who I am now. So there is value in that.
Maybe I will come back to blogging on here, when I need to shout into the void. Maybe I will start a new blog. Or maybe I will stop blogging altogether. Maybe I will find a new way to write and express myself.
So much has happened in the last three years that I couldn’t have written about it at the time, even if I had wanted to. But now I am left with the only way I know how to process things that have happened to me and thoughts I am exploring. I am left with writing it all out.